Sunday, November 29, 2009

My Take on Tiger

I would have bet Judy Rankin to crap her Depends before Tiger Woods debuted as a 45-minute HOT TOPIC on Nancy Grace last night! Wow. Seriously.
This is TIGER WOODS! The man. The legend. The daddy-mac that "be texin' ho's in different area codes?" Hmmm...

I am the BIGGEST Tiger Woods Fan in the world (and oddly after last night, so is Nancy Grace?). The only other superstar bigger than Tiger Woods is Michael Jackson. What do they have in common? Other than being all over my bedroom walls (blushing), they'll continue to be back-stabbed and lied about by media at any and all costs!

"Da couzin of da' couzin of da man that washed Tiger's Escalade lass Fryday" will come up with some story to sell to media. We ALL will act shocked as each detail emerges! Coincidentally, we ALL reside in a bigoted and intrusive society and all that glitters isn't gold. Does it matter if we know if Tiger is promiscuous or not? Really?
Another vixen has stepped on to the tee-box of cheats and lies. The only thing that this story is helping is that Golf is now cool enough to grace The Cover of US Weekly and National Enquirer! Like, even Graeme McDowell got a shout out on TMZ! Can I getta "waat waat"! Sick Coverage Dude!:)

What's your favorite part of this HOT "F''n MESS? The visual of the actual accident in which Tiger and Elin say it went down, TMZ's crack-addict coverage, or the bizarrely slow-dispatch in the 911 call that I can now hear in my sleep because it is on every channel and website?

My favorite is Rachel Uchitel. She's quoted saying intellectually stimulating things like, "I've never sex-texted in my life!" (fart noise) I feel bad for her if she didn't do anything:( Awwww... Gloria Allred will make betta fo' you:)

THE LESSON LEARNED: The next time you see Tiger (or J-LO) on the tube or in the magz lookin' all "glam and fab"... be grateful that you aren't a hot piece of *** and you don't have millions of dollars from various global corporate entities that people want to steal from you. Smile and take the kids to McDonalds! :) It is a happy place with no painkillers... Just Cheeseburgers, which can take the place of painkillers...