The Fed-Ex Cup Apology

Today at the Post Office, I paid $46.57 to send a 3-page client contract and image CD to Miami within a 48-hour period. It made me wonder...

Am I paying ungodly mailing amounts so that FedEx can sponsor the PGA Tour in the most absurd fashion? In the last 2 years, FedEx Cup Winners have been established before year end... at my expense?

I'd like to meet the Fed-Einstein that came up with the FedEx Cup Concept, Was he on his 5th Kettle-Tonic when he thought he'd come up with something better than The Bullet Blender? 20-Milli (plus all the bells and whistles) is a lot to clear for a "not so great" idea that has failed back2back on the PGA Tour.

I think that Fed Ex owes me an apology: I don't want a ring like Kobe gave Vanessa after he came back from Colorado!

...A White Bentley (Driver, 24' Rims included) and the 2009 Gucci Shoe n' Bag collection for my Vegas Bash at The Palms Hugh Hefner Suite with J-Lo & Mariah:) Oh... and Rod Stewart too... Oh one more thing Mr. FedEx, can the Entourage Cast come too? Pleeeeeease??? YAY! Woot Woot! Let the 2007 & 2008 suspense rollover (like Cingular minutes) into The 2009 FedEx Cup... Party at the Palms:)

Hwanhee hugs OJ

LPGA's Hwanhee Lee was on her way to church last week with her parents, going about her routine Sunday prayers. "Make me a good person and give me the ability to golf like Tiger Woods." She'd just returned to Vegas (where she resides) from LA, and was preparing for Q-School. Randall Cunningham (former UNLV Football and NFL legend), church leader, asked everyone in attendance to turn to their neighbor and give them a "hug":)

Hwanhee turned to her father on her right, embracing him with love. She hugged the lady with frizzy hair in front... and to her left she embraced OJ Simpson! Hwanhee called me immediately to tell me the breaking news! She was all, "Holy crap, I just hugged OJ Simpson in church! He is shrinking." I was all, "OMG HWANHEE?!" OJ in Church? What was he askin' fo'? After the service was over, people were staring and wondering what he was doing there? Hwanhee could hear the whispers of mass confusion around her.

Even her father was in awe. It was like when we all found out that Lindsay Lohan was a drunk bisexual... everyone was in shock, but at the end of the day, nobody gives a sh*t! Who says that a day in the life of a professional golfer is boring? Not in Vegas Baby!

Note to Las Vegas Travellers: Yes, there are churches in Las Vegas used for things other than "drive thru marriages", and rates at Palace Station are 1/2 off during the OJ Trial... Holla.

Johnny Miller likes Ice Cream

Associated Press: Johnny Miller is doubting Paul Azinger’s Captain's picks for this week's Ryder Cup. Miller said he would have chosen Verplank, Mediate, Snedeker and Zach Johnson over Holmes and Campbell, but said his views are like arguing over favorite ice cream flavors.

What does this mean? Does Johnny Miller argue over ice cream flavors? With who? Is it just over flavor... or does cone/cup size matter? Cold Stone or Baskin Robbins? If he was with me and ma' homie Kim, he'd totally be at like, Pinkberry or Golden Spoon! No doubt:)

Dear Johnny, I don't get it? Maybe I'm just "in my 20's and confused"...

But Johnny, if we have the chance to go for ice cream... I'm a simple woman, and I'd go for a basic chocolate twist at McDonalds if it means not having you embarrass me at Ben & Jerry's in public. I'd take an ice cream Snickers from 711 if it came down to that.

In Conclusion: Firstly, Miller scored low on the "Analogy" section of the SAT's in high school back in the dizzle. Finally, arguing over ice cream is awkward for everyone and is NOT suggested. Class dismissed:)

Lookalikes

Fabulous South African Golfer Ernie Els, and Gorgeous Actor and Celebrity Liam Neeson are Golf Couture Lookalikes. Although Neeson has higher cheeckbones, Ernie has a better golf swing and a bigger smile.

"Camel Toe" Exclusive

Recently we had the opportunity to an Exclusive Interview with Sports Legend & Phenomenon, Camel Toe. We discuss its' long lasting relationship with the game of Golf...

Golf Couture: Welcome Camel Toe! So nice to have you here at the International Corporate Headquarters of Golf Couture.

Camel Toe: Thanks for having me. It's rarely that I'm anywhere else but on golf course these days, except when I'm running... (Slight chuckle)

Golf Couture: (Slight chuckle back'atcha C-Toe) Why don't you tell our readers who you are?

Camel Toe: Well, basically I'm what happens to you when you wear standard length shorts and spend all day walking up n' down the fairway. I am the piece of short that rides-up between your legs creating ... what I like to call the "Camel Toe Effect".

Golf Couture: Interesting... Now, how is it... (slight pause for breath and thought) that we as "golf fashion victims" can prevent this tragic occurrence?

Camel Toe: I'm glad you asked that question. Here are ways to "Banish your Camel Toe":

1. Wear a "slimmer" (not smaller) fitting short. It will prevent the "riding up" and shape the fit of your shorts.
2. Buy items with a Lycra %. Lycra helps cling to the body so everything is held in place. Use it, but pleeeeease don't abuse it!
3. Don't be afraid of "Pants" or "Capri's". They're your friends when you're having those "not so great" weeks, like after Christmas, Thanksgiving or Easter.
4. "Squats and Sprints". This step is "self explanatory":)
5. "The Skort" is the Number 1 Solution to ending all camel toes of all shapes and sizes. It is safe, sexy and performable.

Golf Couture: Well folks, you read it here first. Once again, saving you from basic golf errors, because that is what we do here at Golf Couture: Where Education collides with Fashion. I'd like to thank Camel Toe again for joining us, next week... Wedgies:)

Vijay vs Villegas

At this week's stop in STL, Villegas won his first PGA event, beating out Jim "flat abs" Furyk (the guy has washboard abs, I swear!) and Vijay Singh in the final round.

Vijay Singh

Nothing dropped in the cup for "Chief Lotsa-Dough" yesterday, all "The Veej" has to do is make the cut at the next tour stop in Kentucky and the FedEx Cup is his.

Associated Press: "Singh refused to speak to NBC Sports and walked briskly past a group of other media after finishing his round."

Translation: "I played like crap today, so why would I wanna talk to you? Talk to my banker, he's pre-counting my Fed-Ex Cup 10 Milli (pronounced mill-ee, code word for "millions"). Why don't you blow my comments on Women's golf outta proportion again and give Bivens props from me on the new policy... Peace."

Camillo Villegas

What can you say about Camillo Villegas? He sorta reminds me of a cross-between "the polite towel boy at the Puerto Vallarta ClubMed Pool that you can't stop staring at" and "Rafael Nadal"... No?

Associated Press: "A marketing dream, Villegas gave golf fans a real reason to pay attention to him."

Translation: Find the word "cool" in the dictionary and you will see this picture. I'm spider-man with nice hair and sick game. Bring it!

Villegas was a grateful winner in saying, "They keep asking me when am I going to win, and I guess they've got it now. I finally did it, not only for me but everybody back home." Quote of the Day on Pgatour.com

Hmmmmmmm... Can't decide, I like 'em both:) The End.

D-Listed: LPGA

Associated Press: California State Senator, Leland Yee is questioning whether the extremely annoying, tactful, yet miserable new LPGA policy is breaking any laws or is violating basic discrimination policies in the workplace.

Good News for the LPGA and the new policy isn't coming easy. Yikes... How is Carolyn Bivens sleeping at night? As if the LPGA needs any more drama now. This situation puts the LPGA on the D-List.

Golf Channel: "If the lawyers see a possible federal violation, Yee said he will turn that finding over to California’s congressional delegation." Geeeeeez. Whatever that means, it sounds serious:( I'll keep it simple for you...

The LPGA is like J-Lo's career: J-Lo moved from D-List to A-list with bad decisions followed by good ones! Great songs, jaw-dropping videos, unique fashion styles, amazing choreography and catchy beats... This is just a "P.Diddy" after party gone bad or a "Gigli" performance by the LPGA. Hopefully the post-break-up media mess with Ben Affleck (policy nightmare) goes over well and the LPGA finds it's Marc Anthony (happy ending with better policy and image:)

Good News: The LPGA will bounce back with time:)

Croc of Sh*t

CBS Sports' Chuck Stogal discusses CROCS latest and greatest "Croc Golf Shoe" or as I like to call 'em "The Ugliest Golf Footwear Collection in the World".

Stogal reports that the Croc Golf Sandal was, "...cited for comfort, stability and, with a suggested retail price of $39.99, for 'tremendous value'" based on a CBS experiment study of a variety of golfers. (Alrighteeee then, sigh...)

Once again folks, we must decide whether "tremendous value" prevails against looking like a "jacka** monkey" on the golf course. We must review the basic rules.

The 5 "unspoken" truths of Golf Sandals:

Rule #1: You will lose at least 10 golfing buddies within the first week of purchase

Rule #2: You will lose a minimum of 5 sales deals (which you could've closed by spending $30.00 more on lower end basic Nike golf shoes)

Rule #3: You are accepting a minimum 5-shot penalty for that particular round and several future mental distractions

Rule #4: Girls (golf staff, even the chipmunks) will think you are:

a. bad at golf

b. have no style

c. frugal and sloppy

Rule #5: Everyone's laughing and feels wierd around you, but telling you "how cool" your sandals are to your face.

"Golf Sandal Wizard" and Bite (Crocs) Founder, Dale Bantham explains, "Remember, walking a golf course covers five, six miles. If we can take out some weight that other, traditional shoes don't, it will help lessen foot fatigue and chances are you will score better."

(Ya, and Britney will get full-custody of her kids back this year!)

Sorry Brit:( Research and technology are trying to prove me wrong. Clearly I'm NO "Founder of Bite", but I am the Founder of this Golf Couture blog, and my job is to SAVE YOU from fashion disasters that will take your Level of Cool to Zero!!! You are welcome:)

Image: Bite & Crocs Golf

Tiger Baby #2

Tiger Woods has announced that he an Elin are having baby #2 via his website http://www.tigerwoods.com/

I'm happy that little Sam will be a "big sister" soon. She should be aware that "younger sibings" make life difficult and annoying in the beginning, but as you get older you realize that they are truly inspiring individuals.

Excuse me while I shed these tears of joy...

Tiger is a winner in so many ways. Congrats:)